Attitude is the difference between an ordeal and an adventure.
2020 has definitely not been the year anyone thought it would be. We have all had the “2020 experience” in a variety of different strengths to all parts of our lives. As someone who is in the “high risk” category it’s most definitely been a very difficult year, the fear of something ending your life and taking you away from your family in your early 30’s is not something that you can easily digest every day. I have at times, like many I’m sure, been very frustrated with other people’s attitudes towards our current global state and I’ve come to realise that in order to keep my sanity, that I can’t change their attitudes or thoughts but I can choose how I react to it. I decided that it was time to focus on myself and my family, follow all the safety measures put in place for our current “predicament” and do what is right in our view.
When I started this year I was the most positive I had been mentally coming into a new year in quite a number of years and I had a strong focus of what I wanted to achieve in 2020…and then 2020 boned us all. I didn’t want it to be a “wasted” year, as much as I feel I’ve grown mentally and within myself this year, I still wanted to do something from my list. I have been sitting with an idea for a children’s book for about 2 years now and back in March, when the shit hit the fan, I started to put my idea to paper…well to screen paper. I wrote a quick synopsis so I could make sure I had a fully realised story and I picked names and characters. I decided then to actually start writing the story. Between April and July I went through a bit of a personal slump, I felt depleted by life and how relentless everything was seeming. In that time, I would open up my document for my book, I would re-read it but mostly I just stared at it on the screen and ultimately would just hit the “x” button at the top of the screen. I didn’t have the energy in me to care about something for myself, I was back to a place in my head where I felt like there was no point in trying because in my past experience, dreams are crushed by life. I knew at this point I needed to focus on getting back on track with my mental health and that was the most important thing.
A few weeks ago a very wise lady said to me “What do you mean by “What’s the point?”? What does that statement mean to you? Then ask yourself this: Is it an explanation or is it an excuse?” I then broke it all down, realising that when I said this to myself it was fuelled mostly by frustration and fear. The saboteur in my head was taking me back to past places in those moments and I kept forgetting that this is me now; Not school years me who was bullied, Not 15 year old me who never felt good enough, Not 21 year old me who was stripped of everything positive within myself in an emotionally abusive relationship. This was 33 year old me who had come through it all, built an amazing relationship with an outstanding human being, who had created and was raising 2 children she never thought she would have nor be raising so well, this was Warrior Me, Not Worrier Me. I have sat with all of this over the last few weeks and I decided to take a leap of faith. I finished the story of my book and with the help of my very talented partner in crime, I am self-publishing my very first children’s book.
This book means a lot to me in so many ways. It is proof that no matter what life has thrown my way, I keep moving forward. It is proof that when I was told “You’ll never amount to anything, you’ll always be a nothing” that those words were not mine to take on board but for the insecure human being who said them. It is a part of the journey I have taken in the last 2 years in finding my way back from losing one of the biggest loves of my life; My Dog Vader. It is, pardon the pun, the start of a brand new chapter for me and my family.
Just remember, you can do anything you set your mind to, but it takes action, perseverance and facing your fears.
This is a very exciting and yet nerve wracking time for me. I’ve faced a lot of negativity in my life and harsh criticism and it’s very daunting to think that I could be doing something that will invite more of that in to my life. However, I believe in this story and all it means and if it helps even one kid or adult feel better, smile when they felt they couldn’t then it will all be worth it.
My book is called “How To Rest On A Rainbow” and with all going well it will be available for digital pre-screening on Wednesday, 11th November 2020 in loving memory of Vader Hanslow, my doggy soul-mate who absolutely changed my life and my heart. I am aiming to have physical copies of the book available in December but will confirm nearer the time an exact date. The book is aimed at an audience of 3-7 years old however, I have to admit, even my emotional robot husband had a tear in his eye at the end of the story so I feel a lot of adults may be able to connect with this as well.
If you would like to be a part of the digital pre-screening process on Wednesday, 11th November 2020, all you need to do is click here and fill out the contact form. You will receive an email with further instructions, however the process is also explained in the above link also. Please note that if you do sign up for the digital pre-screening, feedback is a requirement. To show my gratitude for this, I am offering a 20% discount to anyone who undertakes the pre-screening and pre-orders a physical copy. This will also be a limited edition copy as it will be signed by myself and the very talented Daniel Hanslow of DNL Digital who has helped me bring this story to life.
If you don’t want to be part of the digital pre-screening then you are more than welcome to sign up for a pre-order of the physical copy and can do so here.
Thank you to everyone who has supported me in my announcement on social media platforms and to those who have already signed up for this book. I truly didn’t think I would be doing this but hey, it’s 2020…anything can happen!
Love Hard. Be Fierce. Horns High.